What You Need To Know About Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Healing The Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse
Healing The Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse



For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, recovery is a slow, frustrating and tedious process. The frequent complaints of pain and emotional distress are often dismissed by loved ones and even mental health professionals as malingering and a lack of desire to heal and get better.  However, recent trauma research indicates that these complaints are the direct result of the real physiological damage done to survivors while they were exposed to the prolonged emotional and psychological trauma of an abusive relationship.

Trauma, which is the Greek word for “wound,” is often the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one’s ability to cope or integrate the emotions invoked with that experience– Wikipedia. Long term exposure to the chronic emotional and psychological trauma of narcissistic abuse predisposes the brain to be in a constant state of  “flight or flight” or hyper alert due to the repeated elevation of the stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol.  The constant surge of cortisol not only causes many serious physical health problems, but is also associated with changes in brain function, impaired memory and learning, accelerated brain aging and can even alter your DNA. To learn more about the hidden health dangers of toxic relationships, click here.

The Reason Why Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Need Trauma Informed Medical Care, by Bobbi Parish, MA

Twenty-five years ago, when I first sought treatment for my childhood trauma I was given some Prozac, offered infrequent therapy, and told to write myself a few affirmations to memorize. When the Prozac, sporadic therapy and affirmations didn’t work I was labeled as a “malingerer” who didn’t want to get better. I tried to explain that I wanted to get better and I was trying. They proclaimed it was as simple as deciding to be better.

I made my way through recovery by being resourceful, scrappy and finally finding expert trauma informed care. Now I’m a therapist who helps trauma survivors recover. And I’m thrilled that recent research has shown that trauma survivors cannot get better by a wish and a snap of their fingers. Many of us cannot get better with inconsistent therapy, an antidepressant and some affirmations either.

Finally, research has shown that long term exposure to trauma causes not only changes to our brains, but damage to our bodies, the immune system in particular. We cannot just “snap” out of it because will power and a few therapy sessions will not undo the damage the trauma has caused.

When we first experience trauma, whether it’s abuse in a relationship or an experience like a serious car accident, our body goes into fight or flight mode by releasing powerful hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. They enable our body to endure, escape or avoid what our mind perceives to be a life threatening situation.

Our body responds well to infrequent exposure to adrenalin and cortisol, but when we’re in a situation where we are constantly berated, abused, manipulated and torn down our body is flooded with those chemicals day after day after day. At that frequency they are toxic and begin damaging our bodies.

Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse may experience damage to parts of their brain due to their long term exposure to the fight or flight chemicals. In particular, our executive functioning may be impaired due to pre-frontal cortex brain damage. Our processing of emotions and impulse control may be disrupted through damage to our amygdala and hippocampus. Trauma survivors are often diagnosed with chronic pain and autoimmune disorders because long term exposure to cortisol and adrenaline cause inflammation in our bodies. Inflammation causes pain, or worse, it causes our immune system to attack itself because it thinks the inflammation is caused by a disease it needs to eradicate.

Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse need, and deserve, trauma informed care that acknowledges their abuse as being damaging both psychologically and biologically. Medical and mental health providers need to take a trauma history and incorporate knowledge about that history into their treatment. Helping professionals need to understand that healing is not a matter of choice and that frequent complaints of pain and emotional distress are not representative of malingering but of serious damage done while enduring an abusive relationship.

Do you want to know more about Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Informed Care?

We invite you to attend Trauma Recovery University Live this November in Orlando, Florida. Bree Bonchay, LCSW will be presenting multiple talks about Narcissistic Abuse while other presenters discuss Trauma Informed Care, Intergenerational Abuse, Art Therapy and Crisis Management Plans. You may use the discount code: Bree to receive 10% off of the conference registration.

Click here for more information and registration details.


breeheadshot1Bree Bonchay is a Los Angeles based Licensed psychotherapist (LCSW) who believes “relationships are the currency of life”. She’s dedicated to helping people heal from break-ups, recover from toxic relationships with narcissists and sociopaths and to never settle for a life less than the one they dreamed of. She is a Blogger, Advocate, Facebook Toxic Relationship Recovery Forum Administrator, Radio Guest Expert, and is the Author of the book, I Am Free.   Front cover graphic                                                                                                        Click Here To Order

Suffering from narcissistic abuse? Join Narcissistic Abuse & Toxic Relationship Recovery & Support Forum on Facebook by clicking the link.

Narcissistic abuse Tele therapy now being offered, for more information and to sign up, click here.



Go “Stover” After Narcissistic Abuse


Stover is not just no contact, no response for a certain amount of time to clear your head and heal your heart. Stover is a frame of mind. It’s your new mantra. Stover is rejecting anyone who doesn’t appreciate you. Stover is closing the door forever and putting a padlock on it. Stover is accepting the relationship is finished and there’s no turning back, no matter what. Stover is ensuring there is zero possibility of any reconciliation or potential for a future friendship. Stover is letting go of the need for vindication or hope of an apology. Stover is accepting that the outcome was inevitable. Stover is building an impenetrable fort of protection. Stover is erecting a boundary that is indestructible. Stover is reacting proactively to guard against relationship amnesia. Stover is feeling confident about permanently ejecting toxicity from your life. Stover is crossing the bridge, then throwing a grenade over your shoulder and blasting the bridge to bits. Stover is diffusing the narcissist’s vortex from ever regenerating. Stover is taking back your power. Stover the sum of many small actions that equal complete and total self-love. Stover is the loudest silent message that the relationship is not just over, it’s STOVER (So Totally Over!).  Click on the link to read more about How To Permanently Detach From A Narcissist.

Find Out How To Get Your Copy of “I Am Free” And Help Spread Awareness About Narcissistic Abuse

Front cover graphic

Click Here To Order

The very first edition of I Am Free: Healing Stories of Surviving Toxic Relationships With Narcissists and Sociopaths will be available to purchase on April 30, 2016 or May 1, 2016, depending where you live in the world. I will be posting a link to where you can purchase the book (tomorrow) on my public Facebook Forum page Narcissistic Abuse And Toxic Relationships. Find out some interesting facts about the book and how you can personally get involved and join the campaign to help raise awareness about narcissistic abuse. Continue reading Find Out How To Get Your Copy of “I Am Free” And Help Spread Awareness About Narcissistic Abuse

Getting Over A Relationship With A Narcissist

I bet you have asked yourself this question at least a hundred times, “why is it so hard to get over the narcissist in my life?” It probably doesn’t make much sense to you why you’re struggling so hard to move on from someone whose rap sheet of wrongdoings toward you is a mile long. It should be easy to let go of someone who has caused you so much pain… right? Well, not really when you understand the interplay of factors that contribute to the concept of cognitive dissonance.

Continue reading Getting Over A Relationship With A Narcissist

The Hidden Dangers of Toxic Relationships

toxicrelationshipblog art.png

It’s no secret that today’s society has grown increasingly more health conscious than ever before. Healthier alternatives are springing up in the most unexpected places like fast food restaurants of all things. And caloric counts displayed next to menu items has almost become the rule instead of the exception. Health conscious people are opting for organic over processed foods. Gluten free substitutes. Wraps in place of bread. Alkaline water instead of tap water. Packing lunches for work in lieu of eating out, and yet the vast majority of health conscious people fail to consider that the stress caused from toxic relationships, whether with spouses, partners, family, friends and even co-workers, can be just as damaging to their health and well-being as the foods they’ve so resolutely eliminated from their daily diets.

Continue reading The Hidden Dangers of Toxic Relationships

The 6 Main Reasons You Settle When You Really Want To Split


You find yourself wondering what happened to the once picture-perfect relationship you had and why despite trying everything imaginable, the two of you can’t seem to get that loving feeling back. You and your partner have started to live more separate lives and those cute little yellow sticky love notes they used to leave you on the bathroom counter or on your car windshield seem like a distant memory. You start to realize you’re settling and kidding yourself that there is any hope of a future for the two of you, at least not a happy one, but even when faced with the reality that your relationship is dying a slow death, you still stay.

Continue reading The 6 Main Reasons You Settle When You Really Want To Split

The Reason Why Most Narcissists Hate The Holidays

holiday blues

As the holiday season draws near, many of us get into the “holiday spirit” with anticipation. The end of the year brings a hectic pace with it as people celebrate joyous occasions like Thanksgiving with loved ones, then quickly start planning and preparing for the festivities of Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, topped off by ringing in the New Year on New Year’s Eve.

Continue reading The Reason Why Most Narcissists Hate The Holidays

The Power of Illusion

A very powerful article by Malignnarc written from the perspective of the narcissist. Please do not read if you feel you might be triggered. 

Knowing the Narcissist

th06LBQLJQYou fell in love with an illusion. You fell hard and deep for something which never existed. The golden days that we created together were the twisted reflections of my manipulative hold over you. I know how anxious you were to try to recover the golden period. You poured your beautiful heart into securing the impossible. I know that my silences, my verbal violence, the cheating and the lies, my perfidious control of you was brutal, malicious and devastating. I understand that the whole avalanche of manipulative techniques I applied to you, in savage wave after insidious wave crushed your self-esteem, mauled your sanity and shattered your world. This brutality was nothing compared to the aftermath.

For now you have slipped away from my tight, choking grip. I know however that you sit looking from the window where you used to watch for me strolling up the driveway, a bouquet…

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Why Most Narcissists Devalue And Discard Their Partners


Why do narcissists seem to pick the worst possible times to discard their partners? Are they really that cold-blooded that they not only break-up with you, but also plan to do it at a time that would add insult to injury? What would motivate a narcissist to hurt someone they professed to love so much in such a heartless and brutal manner?

I have heard many stories of narcissists dumping their partners right before a major holiday, or on their partner’s birthday, or after their partner shared something very personal. I’ve also heard of narcissists ending relationships right before a special planned event, or when their partner was down on their luck, grieving the loss of a loved one or even diagnosed with a serious illness. The list of heartless, cold and calculating ways that narcissists end relationships continues on and on.

It is not your imagination. Indeed, it is true that the narcissist will purposely plan the timing of their breakups to occur during times when distress or vulnerability is extremely high in your life.

Continue reading Why Most Narcissists Devalue And Discard Their Partners

Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Virtual Summit


Register now for this free Surviving Narcissistic Abuse Virtual Summit. It will be informative and interactive. For more details and information about how to register, go to http://narcdiaries.com