As the holiday season draws near, many of us get into the “holiday spirit” with anticipation. The end of the year brings a hectic pace with it as people celebrate joyous occasions like Thanksgiving with loved ones, then quickly start planning and preparing for the festivities of Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, topped off by ringing in the New Year on New Year’s Eve.
For many in the United States, as the month of November approaches, their spirits begin to lift as they start to prepare and decorate for Thanksgiving and they reflect on the blessings that they are grateful for.
In December, the holiday songs, decorations and white bearded guy in the red suit reminds everyone to spread goodwill and cheer to others.
The holiday season has a much different effect on most narcissists. Their mood is not lifted by all the happiness and anticipation swirling about. They want to be the center of attention and the holidays overshadow their presence.
The partners and family members of narcissists become less focused on them during this time, and so like an addict withdrawing from a drug, the narcissist will do anything to gain access to what they are craving, which is attention fixated solely on them.
To counteract the diminishing sources of narcissistic supply, narcissists tend to stir up and create a lot of drama and chaos amongst those close to them in order to redirect attention back to themselves.
Narcissists aren’t capable of feeling the joy that is associated with the season. While the holidays are a magical time of year that represents connectedness, giving, loving, and gratefulness to many, this is not the case for narcissists.
Since these kind qualities are not inherent to narcissists, they abhor those that feel them and despise those that feel boosted by the season at all. Because narcissists can’t feel these emotions for themselves, they make themselves feel better and superior by taking away happiness from the people around them.
Narcissists want to make sure that they are the sole source of joy and if they can’t be, they will be certain to be the cause of pain and angst.
One way narcissists get a little more bang for their narcissistic buck is to discard their partners during this time of year. They revel in watching their partners come down from a holiday high as they drop into the pits of a post break-up depression. Additionally, the secondary gain of breakups is that attention is now focused back on them.
Another common way narcissists deflate holiday bubbles is to buy the worst gift imaginable or cry “poverty” to get out of having to purchase gifts at all. Many narcissists will even purchase something they purposely know won’t be liked, only to delight in the disappointed expression on faces as the gift is opened.
I have even heard stories of some narcissists that have bought their partners or family members the identical gift that they purchased the previous year.
Why would they do this? Could it have been an innocent mistake? Absolutely not! It’s a set up. Believe me when I say they are anxiously awaiting the question of why they would buy the same exact gift as the previous year so that they can excitedly seize the opportunity to accuse the recipient of being unappreciative. Talk about a holiday buzz kill!
There are many survivors that are still with a narcissist, as well as many who spent years with a narcissist that suffer from anxiety and C-PTSD due to the bad memories of holiday seasons past.
While their old outlook may have been filled with “Joy To the World,” it becomes replaced with “Mr. Grinch.” Next year will not be any different. Nor will the year after that.
Don’t let the narcissist take any more joy from you than they have already. You don’t want to look back and reflect on ruined holidays that only occur once. Removing the narcissist from your life can be the best present that you’ll ever give or receive.
Copyright © 2015 Bree Bonchay. All Rights Reserved.
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